JUST 3 MINUTES TO RIDE BIG FEELINGS TO SHORE
Ride the feeling wave.
Learn to regulate big and overwhelming feelings using Tracking better® Tool #4: Ride the feeling wave.
This great for young people with ASD, who struggle to express their emotions or any of us who want to unpack stuck feelings.
Scroll down for instructions
Ride the feeling wave
- Just 3 Minutes!
With this worksheet you can support a client with big overwhelming feelings as they roll through. This may be the first time someone has taught them how to do this.
During admission the client may already be able to identify emotions that they can’t manage such as feeling sad, angry, empty, rejected or scared. Or, it may be that during the course of the admission you discover which feelings overwhelm them.
You can also use this chart to figure out “What just happened here?” after a meltdown on the ward, and you are sitting down to make some sense of things once they have calmed down.
It may only take 3 minutes for the unmanageable part of the feeling to pass, but during this time the internal clock turns off and the client feels like the feeling is endless.
The first time you Ride the feeling wave, you will prompt most of the steps, observing what you notice out loud, and each time they get distressed they will take on a bit of self management and explore their response more deeply, afteryou have helped them calm down, to figure out what’s going on and what works for them.
① Name the big feeling.
The first step to getting control of a big, overwhelming feeling is to name the big feeling that’s coming through. Dan Hughes calls this "Name it to tame it!".
If your client’s words aren’t working, look at the feeling stickers and encourage them to point.
- Put what they’re feeling above the biggest wave.Some feelings are easy to name - I’m angry… I’m soooo sad....Some feelings are hard to name -” a bit weird” or “Yuk” or “Meh…” or “Grrrr…”Some feelings are more a sensation in their body - tense, heavy, tight, empty...
Once you’ve named the feeling - that’s “state-it”, you can encourage the client to “rate-it” out of 10 and “locate-it” to where it is held in their body - this encourages a safe exploration of the feeling - maybe not on the first time, but on subsequent passes… Over 7/10 usually means feeling out of control.
State, rate and locate the feeling to really get to recognise it next time.
Different words for feeling stressed.
Different words for feeling frustrated.
Different words for feeling down.
It's important to breathe out and then breathe in low and slow, only letting the bottom hand move to avoid hyperventillation.
Box breathing if you feel shutdown
If you feel agitated do short in long out to slow the heart rate down - so 4 counts in, 6 counts out.
② Breathe for control and cue to safety.
When a client becomes very distressed with an overwhelming feeling they often go into survival mode, where the reflective part of their brain turns off and they are not able to take in or process what you are saying.
- Slow deep diaphragmatic breaths with the instructions of “You might like to put your hand on your tummy and chest and I want you to take in a deep slow breath where the hand on your tummy moves out and in slowly”.
This should reverse hyperventilation and help them to start to settle, be able to take in what you are saying and follow directions a little better.
- Sometimes a pulse oximeter helps show their pulse start to slow as their breathing deepens and steadies. Try box breathing 4 counts in, hold, out, hold for feeling shutdown, and 4 in 6 out for feeling agitated.
- Walking up the hallway with each step being a “count” can help too.
- Find a safe space and safe person to do all of this
What's my SAFE SPACE?
How do we show our body we're safe?
We need to be away from the threat AND close to a safe person that can help us regulate.
High stimulus and distracting, low stimulus, people around, or few people?
Who's my safe PERSON & how do they help me feel SAFE 4-WAYS?
We need to feel safe 4 ways:
- Protected: away from the threat.
- Cared-for: fed, watered, know what's going on.
- Understood: someone to talk to who validates and helps make sense of the feelings.
- Like we belong: Eyes light up when we enter the room, genuinely interested and wanting to help.
How close do I want to be to my safe people?
- Joey IN the pouch: Up close with shared attention.
- Joey NEAR the pouch: Someone nearby, but we can do our own thing.
- Joey AWAY from the pouch: By myself, but someone checking in every 5 minutes or so.AR the pouch
③ Get the body feeling right.
Some feelings rev us up like anger, surprise, anxiety, fear
Other feelings shut us down like shame, feeling sad, or numb - but fear can also shut our body down if it’s a “freeze” survival mode response.
Part of feeling safe and better from emotional overload is balancing out the feeling, so if you’re angry and become activated, you need to calm the body.
If you’ve shutdown with fear or numbness then you will feel better if you activate your body.
If you’re not sure what is needed, watch what kind of movement the client is naturally seeking and support them to get more of that.
How do I REBALANCE my body with sensory and movement input?
I can feel more connected with the present moment or people through my senses.
How can I feel more regulated with different movements.
④ Figure out TRIGGERS.
When the client is calm, can concentrate, listen and explain how they’re feeling, this shows that their brain has turned back on and they’re ready to investigate what happened using the feeling wave chart.
You’ve named what big feeling was driving them and what behaviour came with it - what was the trigger… what upset them or overwhelmed them in the first place?
- Conversation or interaction?
- Memory or flashback?
- Dilemma?
- Something that happened on the ward?
- Was there a trigger-feeling like shame, hiding underneath?
- Welcome to sneaky feelings...
⑤ Check for SNEAKY feelings.
Sneaky feelings are what’s hiding underneath the big overwhelming feeling. They make the individual feel vulnerable and may even trigger the big-feeling as a way of feeling safe.
The big feeling is like a protective coating on the outside, but under the ocean a lot more is going on.
Explore with the patient, using the feeling stickers, what might be underneath the big feeling, as a “body-feeling” or “hard to describe” feeling.
- You might see anger on the outside, but sadness, fear or shame underneath
- You might see tears or sadness on the outside, but anger underneath…
- The client might feel numb or empty on the outside, but on the inside there is a confusing mix of different feelings (shame, disappointment, anger, fear or grief).
⑥ Name the SNEAKY feelings.
Your client may have never been aware of the sneaky feelings before, and by being invisible it means that the protective feeling that’s triggered will not go away, even though everybody’s trying very hard.
Start exploring what might be going on inside.
Once the sneaky feelings are named and understood then it’s much easier to let them go, but it’s also easier to leg to the protective outer feeling.
⑦ Understand the SNEAKY feelings.
Use the stickers to unpack what might be there and gently explore what they might be about, simply being curious - this is where a deeper understanding comes from.
- Once the sneaky feelings are better understood, it’s easier to let go of the big-feeling protective coating. For instance, it's not safe to let go of the anger until the shame or fear is acknowledged.
⑧ What I’ll do next time.
Being able to support a client through a big dysregulating feeling, where they become stressed and feel out of control, provides an important learning opportunity and a deeper understanding of what is troubling them.
- Each time you help your client Ride the feeling wave, they get more skilled at managing and learn more about what’s upsetting them. The strength of this tool is it allows exploration of sneaky feelings (see below).
- Survival feelings such as anger, fear or numb/sad, get dealt with using the Stress Chart, but Ride the Feeling Wave allows a deeper unpacking of what’s happening with your client’s feelings - especially if there are feeling triggers to their stress behaviour.